. The Man In My Mind .

Not a Song Title

2011-03-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

Man it's been a rough few weeks. Rough is probably not the right word to use here, more so it has been an exhausting few weeks. School is mounting on top of all of us, March Madness is here (and as I'm typing this I'm moping around in the wake of a Florida loss) and I'm broke as all heck. I'm less so worried about the last thing, and more about the fact that my social life and academic lives are battling it out right now, and my sleep schedule is losing.

As of late I've been endeavoring to be better scholastically and more productive in my free time. I've been playing my guitar a lot more, and I've been doing a lot more sitting and talking with my friends. Sitting around doesn't sound like it would be the most productive activity in the whole world, but one is always surprised by the depth to which conversations can go, and the affect that these conversations can have on one's life. It's been absolutely spectacular spending so much more time with a group of friends that I have just recently been getting to know.

I have actually found that in these recent, more social, weeks that I have actually been spending less of my valuable time on Facebook. I still update Twitter with relative frequency, and I still blog on my invisible blog (the one that I just use to vent frustrations, I find typing is a good way to relax) and I still browse the internet a bit, but I think I may do all of these things more efficiently now that I tend to avoid Facebook. I'm becoming much more a fan of face-to-face, or at least texting conversations than I am of Facebook chatting. I feel as if maybe the more conversations I have going on at once, the less personal these conversations become. I have also begun the practice of shutting off my phone when I'm having a conversation with someone. These are just little ways I've found to be more in touch with each individual conversation.

At this point I'm realizing how random the thoughts in my head are. I'm now on Facebook (Ironic, no?) because I just got a text informing me that my status was commented on. Upon login to Facebook I noticed I also had several other notifications. One of which is telling me that more people have commented on a status that i too had at one point commented on. This status is of one Angelica Burk, and it's a status about coffee. I find this interesting because while I don't really know Angelica, I have seen or corresponded with her 3 times in 2 days, all because of coffee. This adds to my point about socializing. I love it. I love going out to Lola's (the coffee shop to which I venture when I want coffee in New Ulm) and just seeing who else shows up. Lola's is the perfect little place to sit back and relax. I need to start going there alone with greater frequency, I think my stress levels would be significantly lower.

Anyway, this post has gone on long enough. I have no deeper message, no conclusion to bring everything together, just simply a sentence or two to tell you (and by that I mean me, because no one reads this) that I will blog again soon. I enjoy typing random, meaningless blogs every once in awhile. Ciao.

The Cave

2011-03-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

As per usual, my blog will reference a piece of music, and at this juncture that piece is Mumford and Sons' "the Cave." I've been listening to this song nearly endlessly since I purchased the album (4 hours ago...Late on the uptake, I know, but I've just been listening to my buddy's vinyl version until now). Anyway, I digress.

I am currently on Spring Break, and this particular break has been one of many fascinating self-discoveries. That sounds significantly deeper than it really is, because many of these things are things that, if I were not entirely blind to much of the world around me, I would have realized much sooner. However, those things are relatively personal, and may or may not make my next blog. For this post I'm going to discuss three events from my break and how they all connected to show me one greater truth.

This break started out slow, but I got going after a bit and spent a good deal of time with some friends. First of all, I ventured to the far-away land of Milwaukee, Wisconsin to visit Hosanna at her host family's house during her EFE (early field experience for education majors) week. This was possibly the most relaxing thing that I have done in a very long time. The family with whom she stayed, the Deboers, were two of the most down-to-earth, level-headed individuals I'd ever met. Beyond that, they (she) had a bookshelf upon which sat nearly the entire works of one Orson Scott Card. This fact, coupled with their joint passion for all things literature and education made for several hours of fantastic conversation. I'm extremely grateful for all of the time I spent there, and would most certainly love to do so again.

The second major event in my spring break was a Skillet concert in Oshkosh. The show was absolutely brilliant. The night was hosted by a student organization at UWO called Pulse. The group is a non-denominational Christian organization that is very motivated to get the Gospel message out there. They did a great job. The whole night was made up of Christian artists, and the host was doing little sermonettes between sets, but it wasn't too much. My big fear for the night was that they would be too in-your-face and try to shove the doctrine down peoples' throats. That was not the case. The host balanced the Gospel message well with the Law and managed to bring it home to the college life-style. The video clips were not forced or corny and the charisma with which the host spoke was absolutely infectious. These people were prepared to discuss whatever needed to be discussed to prove what they knew about salvation. Equally impressive was Skillet's performance. For a mainstream, relatively successful band, these guys were extremely humble. I hadn't realized until that night that band hails from Racine Wisconsin, but they definitely exuded the hometown feel whilst putting on a crazy metal concert. Great show, great bands, great faith.

Adventure number three was a short luncheon with one of my father's co-workers. The individual with whom I dined is studying to me a minister in the LCMS and we had some great discussions about all things doctrinal.

These things were all fantastic, but it's what connects them all that baffles me. I came to more firmly realize this weekend how dedicated I am to the message, and how important it is to not sweat the little stuff. (Now I know that all points of doctrine in the Bible are 100% true, and that we cannot change them at all, so realize that I know this, as a disclaimer.)

What I came to realize through all these interactions is that different people from different Christian faiths can all have the doctrine of salvation correct, and that this is ultimately the most important thing. It doesn't matter if we present it as a metal show or a contemporary service, we need to be all things to all people. And while I know the hosts at the Skillet show are decision theologists, and I don't agree 100% with the LCMS doctrines of my father's co-worker, I've come to realize that as Christians we need to be able to be strong together. Yes I disagree with these things, and yes I would encourage these people to seek the truth, but I cannot convince myself to let this be a dividing factor that precludes us all from reaching out to the un-churched and evangelizing together. Ultimately all doctrines are important, but if we get too caught up in nit-picking the differences I think we do more harm than good to the most important doctrine of all, salvation. We are all saved, freely, through grace, by the death and ressurection of Jesus Christ and our faith in that message. If someone doesn't have every detail about every doctrine down, I don't want to avoid him like the plague, I want to sit down and talk first about what we agree on, and realize that we are both going to heaven. Then, when that time comes, if the conversation wills it, we can address these deeper issues. Until then, however, I'm content to just thank God for the unity in faith that we can exhibit even with those of similar, yet different faiths.

Relient, K?

2011-02-21T13:01:00.000-08:00

We're all reliant on something, or on someone. Sometimes those people on whom we rely, also rely on us, and sometimes we do things to change that reliance. I'm coming to realize that these instances are, at times, unavoidable. Ultimately I guess that unavoidable is untrue, because usually a mistake is made because of a bad decision, however, it would seem that hindsight is always twenty/twenty and that's not something worth analyzing. We all always make every right decision in our heads after we realize we've made a wrong one. Anyway, I digress.

I'm beginning to realize the significance of moving up and on. I'm beginning to see that there are things in life that seem more important than they truly are, and that there are smaller, more significant things in life that are integral to the development of our selves. These tend to be the things that are the most difficult. Last night, was one of these instances. After making a few big, completely boneheaded mistakes in the last couple of weeks, I sat down and had a bit of a chat with one of my go-to buddies.

The conversation ended up being extremely long, and extremely interesting. When I have a long, drawn-out conversation of this nature with someone, two things are nearly guaranteed to happen. The first is that it will be christocentric, and the second is that the conversation on both ends will heavily reference either Relient K, Ender's Game, or both. In this instance, my conversation was very Relient K heavy. I'm very glad of this. It seems that most of my problems are referenced by this group of incredibly clever musicians. Justin and I specifically meditated on many lyrics from the group's most recent studio album, Forget and Not Slow Down. Man is this album helpful.

I've burned a lot of bridges lately, and done a lot of quasi-regrettable things, but these guys always make positives out of negatives. After realizing how painful much of the last few weeks have been, and how much I could (and have) complained about, these last few weeks have also been spectacular. I've been meeting a lot of new people, and spending a lot of time with these people. Most of this has been born of a book club. I'm very happy that this started, because these individuals are very similar to me. It's an immense help to know they're around.

This blog is not very specific, and I don't intend it to be. It also speaks little to how these recent happenings have been so great for me. I don't intend to elaborate on that as of right now either. This was just a good way to constructively rant at no one. You, no one, are my favorite follower.

Time

2011-01-22T16:11:00.000-08:00

As I compose this essay I have in front of me the three most thought provoking texts that I own. That was presumptuous, I mean to say that I have the three books that are, for me personally, the most thought provoking.

The first of these texts is the Bible, which is, without a doubt, the most important of the texts, and the only one that I can say with certainty is the most universally relevant. There are concepts in this book that ultimately cannot be comprehended, and thusly it contains depths far beyond those of any other texts. However, unlike with the other two books here, I'm perfectly at peace without having all the answers because the Bible is God's word, not man's and to understand it entirely would remove it's magnificence. The second text is my Greek book which is conversely the least universally relevant as it is only owned by a handful of masochistic academics in this nation. Lastly, I have the Ender's Game series sitting in front of me. This is the set of texts that is more or less the basis for every concept currently plaguing my mind. This is a very important series of books, and if I could find a way to do so, I would have each and every person on the face of this planet be graced by the words of Orson Scott Card. This series pokes and prods at moral dilemma, social normalcy, religious confusion and many other equally mind draining concepts. Obviously having been written by a man, these concepts are all theoretically within the confines of human understanding, yet Card manages to baffle me beyond that which I have ever experienced.

A very common theme within Card's novels is paradox. Whether it is a subtext of religion, politics, morals or the relativity of time, it seems that Card manages to approach everything paradoxically. I'm sure this is by design, as it causes individuals like myself to meditate on the infinite possibilities within each of these topics.

Alright, now to go beyond these books and move into paradox, and time in general. The opening paragraphs to this essay may have been a long set up to what is ultimately a topic that is only derived from having recently read one of these books, and not something that isn't a difficult concept independently of Card's writing.

First of all, the idea of paradox is absurd. This is a seemingly unnecessary and ridiculous comment as the definition of paradox is, in fact, quite literally absurd. Really though, that's the first word in most dictionary entries. I have to agree, because it's absolutely absurd to try and wrap my mind around how much time I've spent recently trying to wrap my mind around paradoxical happenings. As much as Card's novels are a catalyst for this line of thinking, so is my Interpersonal Communications class. Recently we've been discussing extroversion and introversion, and assigning such designations to members of the class. This is where the first paradox comes in. Many of the students in this class could not qualify themselves. I'm probably wrong here, but this, to me, is a very simple concept to comprehend. Some people know that they're introverted, and are fine with that. Other's, like myself, have no doubts about our similarly firm designation as extroverts. My confusion comes in with those who are unsure as to how to classify themselves. It seems apparent to me that this lack of assuredness is a textbook sign of introversion. This is not to say that all introverts are unsure that they are, in fact, introverts, but it is to say that if one is unsure as to his or her qualification it seems obvious that this person is introverted.

I know what you [and I say 'you' lightly, because we both know no one is reading this...which begs the questions "why write this anyway" and "define 'we both,'" (that's right, I just turned my direct address of a non-existent reader into a paradox)] are most likely thinking, and I'm thinking it too. "John, thats a very strong, and ill-founded generalization." You're probably right, and you're probably unsure that you're introverted. You are. Introversion and extroversion are, at their cores, basically defined by a degree of confidence. Sort of. It's not actually so much a degree of confidence as the degree to which one is capable of feigning confidence. This in and of itself is paradoxical because one would have to be generally more confident to more successfully feign confidence, and thusly extroversion would be true confidence, not feigned confidence. Welcome to my head. The guy that lives inside of there is going insane. This isn't even that clever (or accurate) of a realization, but it's great fodder for thought.

This discussion of introversion vs. extroversion and the nature of confidence led to a discussion on the nature of arrogance. I challenge you to find a more paradoxical personality trait than arrogance. To admit one is arrogant, is to see this designation as a flaw, and to be ultimately shameful of being arrogant. To be shameful of seeing ones self as arrogant, is to seek to change this designation. To change this designation is to be humble. So basically it's impossible for someone who admits to being arrogant to truly be an arrogant person. Conversely I firmly believe that barring complete narcissistic affinity for being arrogant, which is even worse and furthered arrogance, someone who is truly arrogant can NEVER see this arrogance in themselves.

Make sense?

Didn't think so.

Just think about it for a bit. This is a rambling with seemingly no resolution. Why is there no resolution? Because I'm not done contemplating this (during which I'll likely prove myself wrong) and because there may be no true answer to this. I don't know. All I DO know is that I'm tired, and since this is my blog, and since you don't HAVE to read it (let's face it, you aren't) I'm perfectly content leaving off here and taking a nap. Good ....day.

All The Right Friends, In All The Right....Minnesotan Towns

2011-01-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

This weekend was insanely fun, to say the least. I had an immensely entertaining time at the house of the Monson family in Eagan, MN. A few of my friends for World of Warcraft (yes nerdy, I know, but I haven't played in 5 months, I just hang out with the guys when I can) who live in Virginia, came out to Minnesota for a bi-annual family reunion type of meeting. What ensued was a massive LAN party at the Monsons, too which I was invited. I was only able to stay for a brief period of time, but a fun weekend was had by all.

We managed to game for several hours all while deeply discussing theology, 80s rock'n'roll, video games, football and Brett Favre's penis. I cannot believe that I have been so massively blessed with so many great friends through such a trivial thing as World of Warcraft. Adam Rothwell, Nate Rothwell, Isaac Rothwell, Ben Rothwell, Justin Novak, Jeremy Novak, Meagan Novak, Momma Novak, Momma Monson, Geof Monson, Phil Monson, Trevor Hansley, Steve Turnage, Levi Rice, Adam Coppa, Cody Forrester, Madison, and all the other Brosephs out there, if you ever read this, I love you all.

One thing which we discussed during this weekend of festivities was the upcoming premiere of The Cape. To be entirely honest none of us were really enthused about this premiere. It's not that none of us liked the concept, in fact ALL of us LOVED the concept, but we all kind of assumed that it would tank and leave us wanting. It...sorta did? The Cape's premiere was actually not all that bad. Despite some questionable acting ability, there were a lot of positives in this premiere. First of all the graphic-novelesque cinematography was spectacular. The camera angles and lighting made this show look like a live-action graphic novel. The biggest flaw in, and yet most powerful aspect of the storyline was the speed of its progression. The storyline progressed extremely swiftly, with little or no break in action. This seems like poor delivery, and in most instances it would be, however when it's the TV dramatization of a graphic novel concept, I think the progression is beautiful. I don't know if I'm altogether in love with this series as of yet, but I'm definitely going to give it a couple of weeks to settle. I really hope they knock one out of the park with a series that has massive potential for failure.

The last bit of what's on my mind today is this: The Packer Game. First of all, I'm happy that of all people Kevin Rose tweeted on the #gopackgo trend. Awesome. From the get-go the Packers were winning this game, and it never stopped. The Eagles came dangerously close many times, but the Packers never lost the lead. There was some bad clock management in the first half, and some terrible receiving [or lack thereof (thanks Jones)] and some players should be benched indefinitely (Jones), but all in all I think that the Packers are more than ready for the Falcons. Packers/Ravens Superbowl prediction (Ditka's, not mine, I'm just bandwagoning) is alive and well. Go Pack Go.

Insight in Hindsight

2010-12-28T23:49:00.000-08:00

I keep revamping these blogs only to produce maybe two posts, both of which tend to be something about how I need to blog more. Well guess what? I need to blog more. I enjoy typing out the random thoughts going on in here somewhere, and we all have opinions right? Right, well at the present there are only two things that I'm really contemplating, and neither of these things matter in the grand scheme of things at all. These two subjects are the following: Paramore's split, and the Hawkeyes Insight Bowl victory.

As I typed that last sentence, I realized that "insight" is in both the title of the BCS Bowl and the title of this post. That was unintentional, the title was merely my own attempt at cleverness. A failed attempt, in all likelihood.

Anyway, I'd like to start out by addressing the Hawkeyes game because it's a shorter bit of my post, and I'll get it out of the way before talking at some tiring length about my opinions on Paramore's present predicament.

The Hawk's game was spectacular. After a 3 game losing streak to end the season, and the recent loss of two star players to suspensions for drug-related arrests, the Insight Bowl was a great way for the Hawkeyes to get their heads on straight. Rather than looking at this game as the end of this season, it is my hope that they see this as the first game of next season. That's a difficult view to take considering the team loses 25 seniors, including Stanzi, but all the same I'd like to think that this is the beginning of greater things for the team.

And now to the other thing that's on my mind, the subject that's been plaguing message boards and blog posts for the last few days: The departure of the Farro brothers from the band Paramore. Is this important to, or an integral part of our lives? No. Does it really matter? No. Is it something that's driving me crazy? Yes. I care, for no legitimate reason, but I care. A lot. I really appreciated the band Paramore for a long time, and I still love all their music, but I feel as if we now being forced to take sides. I can see this turning into "Team Hayley" vs. "Team Farro." I can see the T-shirts now. Hot Topic is going to cash in huge. But the two aforementioned (and fabricated) titles are a testament to why I firmly believe that any true fan of the band should be joining the latter team. Even though Paramore is still 3 members, it seems to be Hayley vs. the Farros, and that just seems to prove how right Josh and Zac are in the controversial blog post.

I absolutely love Hayley's voice and the lyrics that she has presumably written, but I really think that she's majorly screwed a lot of this up. Really this is me just ranting about how products of the record industry become tools of that same industry, not a fan. Anyway, that's all I feel like typing about this right now.

I intended, and have always intended for my posts to be more substantial, and I believe that in the future many of them will be. As I type I'm formulating ideas for a post about Isaiah 5:21 and my reflections on entitlement in society. Hopefully I hit both those topics. I'm home alone for the next 5 days with no cable and nothing to do but type and play guitar. Here's to some solid blogging.

" 'Cause If This Was Our Destiny, I'd Treasure The fact."

2010-08-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been spending much less of my time playing video games (and by video games I mean World of Warcraft), and spending a lot more time browsing the internet and reading forums. I'm fascinated when I come across a captivating blog.

In general it seems that most blogs are similar in nature. Each blogger tends to write about things that are important to them from the view that seems correct to them. A times bloggers will write reflective blogs asking philosophical questions to which they will inevitably write their own reply. But the blogs I'm talking about have some sort of 'it' factor. I don't know what 'it' is, but the members of Relient K all seem to have 'it'. The members of this great punkish band all have written blogs that I can sit and read for significant periods of time without becoming bored. I have no clue why this is because the blogs seem to, on the surface, be the same as every other blog.

Maybe this is just over analysis, but I'm very much so intrigued by the factors that cause one blog to be more interesting than another. For instance I know that even though a handful of my friends have blogs, there are only a few that I really take the time to read. (Evan Samanas, Becca Geisthardt, Blake Samanas and Justin Heise) Interestingly enough the individuals in parentheses share one common opinion, and that opinion is that Relient K is one of the greatest bands of all time, a sentiment with which i wholeheartedly concur.

Now there are no circumstances under which I would put myself on the same plane as any of the individuals I have mentioned thus far in my post, so when I write this next paragraph bear in mind that this is in no way self-analysis.

I think that the one fact that i can surmise from my analysis of the blogs that I enjoy and the people who write them is cleverness. The individuals about whom i have been speaking are some of the most clever and insightful people I know and thusly it would make sense that a commonality amongst them would be one of the most lyrically clever bands of our age. So what this whole blog comes down to is that lately I've been reading blogs and listening to Relient K, and I wish i was far cleverer.

Here's to the New Year

2010-08-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

Summer is swiftly coming to a close, and as a result I find myself in a harsh debate as to whether I'm more excited to be heading back or sadder to be leaving this place again.

I think when it comes down to it both feelings are equal. The beginning of a school year and the end of a summer is a time period that is very intensely bittersweet. I most certainly can't wait to be seeing everyone again, but by the same token leaving my better half 5 hours away is a very taxing notion. Long-distance is difficult and to say I'm not looking forward to it makes the relationship sound off, but I'm more so not looking forward to that aspect of it.

In any event, the transition is here and be it exciting or depressing it's time to make the most of it.